A Hostage's Survival Guide

This week I’d like to share with you a few tips for surviving a hostage situation. Let’s hope you’re never in one, but at least you’ll know how to stay alive. These are tense times in our world, with levels of stress, angst, and general political unrest rising constantly. You never know when that next trip to the bank or shopping mall will turn in to an all out hostage crisis. This information comes from the NYPD negotiation team.
First, don’t try to be a hero. Second, do what you are told. Don’t speak unless you are spoken to, and then only when necessary. Get comfortable but always keep an eye on your captor. Don’t make suggestions, as you’ll be blamed if anything goes wrong. Don’t try to escape unless you are absolutely positive you’ll be able to. Even then, you should think twice. Let medical needs be known in a matter of fact way. Be observant, memorizing the captors’ faces, names, etc. Only answer “yes” or “no” if you are the end fielding questions from the authorities. Finally, don’t be argumentative and hit the floor when help comes.
A lot of the comments on this article suggested that if you know you are going to die, you should attack your captors like some of the 9/11 victims did. Other comments suggested that these tips are intelligent and contrast many of Hollywood’s representations of hostage crises. I often consider how Jesus handled his captivity. In Isaiah 53, Jesus is likened to “a lamb to the slaughter”. He could have escaped, but he said nothing. There are times in our lives where we have to take a stand and sacrifice ourselves for others. There are other times when we need to endure until help arrives. In Matt. 4, Jesus endures tremendous temptation until Satan leaves him and angels come to attend him. For now we are help captive in our bodies. If we carry on, we will be saved.

Team God

An interesting debate has arisen among many of my friends and associates. The split seen among my peer group is reflective of a larger split facing the entire population. I do not speak of race, economics, or other common sources of division. I refer to the Conan vs. Leno controversy that has infested my news gathering experience. For those of you who don’t know (kudos to you for having actually important matters occupying your time), Jay Leno’s current 10:00p talk show will be moved to 11:30 after the Olympics and Conan O’Brien is to be moved to 12:00p. However, Conan has stated that he is not willing to inhabit this time slot and might leave NBC if negotiations fail.
One commentary compared this situation to telling your wife that you will be marrying someone new in 5 years whom you’ve become interested in. Your wife decides to get in shape and others start to take notice of her. When 5 years has passed, you try to work out an agreement to keep both relationships.
Needless to say (sorry polygamists!), it is not in one’s best interests to have two wives. God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman. (Matt. 19) God isn’t a fan of divided interests. He values loyalty, commitment, and discipline. Matthew 6:24 tells us, “no one can serve two masters.” You can’t “have your cake and eat it too” so to speak. Sometimes the offerings of the world are mighty tempting. It often seems like the bigger, better deal or the greener grass is offered outside of God. However, us Christians make a covenant with God. A covenant isn’t something you can slip in and out of. Imagine how angry your spouse would be if you told him/her that you want to marry someone else. Now imagine how the all-powerful God feels when you chose to leave Him.

Someone Has a Stinky Kitty!

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I will remind you that my life is chock full of awkward moments. I don’t know if I have more than my fair share, but these moments come ridiculously often in my daily interactions with other human beings. Let’s just say if I ask someone for a synonym of awkward, he or she replies, “Your life”. This morning’s awkward moment was not nearly embarrassing as many others, but it was uncomfortable nevertheless. The following story, which you’d know if you followed me on Twitter or Facebook, mentions urine. I hope that doesn’t offend you and lead to yet another awkward moment.
I took all three of my pets to the vet this morning. I carried the cat in first, sharing in pet related conversation with other pet owners (awkward conversation, I should add). I went to get my dogs and came back to find the cat had covered herself in urine. She is an extremely clean animal and has never done this before. Her formerly fluffy, now soaked body made its way around the vet’s office covering everything in urine and filling the air with a horrendous scent. I apologized at least 40 times. To make things worse, I was very tired and fell in to a guilt-induced trance. While I was thinking about how remorseful I was, the veterinary assistant asked me if I had any questions. I believe that I stared her straight in the face for at least 10 to 15 seconds before giving an answer.
I don’t think life has to be as awkward and guilt ridden as we sometimes make it. In Romans 8 we learn that because of Jesus, we do not face condemnation. John 8:36 tells us that the Son has made us free. We should live like we are free, excited about who we are and how God can use us to do his work. If we live sincerely by faith, we live with a clean conscience. (Heb. 10) We don’t have to worry about what other people think of us because God thinks well enough of us to set us free from sin and guilt! Hold your head up high and know you’re saved!

We Are All Supermen

Jeff Wise’s book, “Extreme Fear: The Science of Your Mind in Danger”, discusses how our bodies respond to hazardous circumstances. Wise uses several real stories as the framework for his exploration. In a chapter entitled “Superhuman”, an ordinary man performs an incredible feat of strength to rescue a cyclist who has been run over by a car. Tom Boyle, Jr. and his wife were leaving the shopping mall where they had just had dinner. They heard a Camaro squeal its tires as it shot onto the avenue. Tom looked up to see a shower of sparks fly up from beneath the Camaro. The Camaro had hit a cyclist and pinned him beneath the vehicle. Boyle, without thinking, ran towards the Camaro, reached under its frame, and lifted the vehicle off of the 18-year-old cyclist. Boyle held the car’s front end up for about 45 seconds while its driver pulled the cyclist to safety. Boyle, no weakling, was able to lift a 700 lb. barbell. A stock Camaro weighs 3,000 lbs. Something extraordinary happened to the body of Tom Boyle.
One of my personal goals is to view others and myself the way that God sees us. God knows our potential. Too often we sell ourselves short thinking we’ve worked ourselves in to an inescapable corner, unable to accomplish anything great. We think of ourselves and others as too old, too young, too stupid, too weak, or too inexperienced. God always seems to choose the least likely heroes. When the Israelites were led out of Egypt, God didn’t find the best speaker. When Samuel looked for a new king, he wasn’t to select the tallest or strongest man. When Jesus hand picked his apostles, he didn’t ask for a resume or good references. He chose fishermen and tax collectors. Today he chooses you!